Escaping Perfection: Letting Go of the Grandiose Self to Embrace Creative Freedom

I am reading a wonderful book called Creative Rush: A New Way to Connect to an Endless Source of Creativity and Overcome Your Inner Critic by Dushy, Uri. In one of the chapters Uri discusses the “grandiose self.”

I had never really given much thought to the idea of a grandiose self as it applies to the creative process. I studied psychology in college, and am familiar with the disorders involved with the grandiose self. Everyone has met a narcissist. Most of us are probably even related to one of these people!

When I think about the grandiose self, I can’t help but imagine Frazier and his brother Niles from the t.v. show Frazier. This pompous duo have ridiculous standards of perfection; for restaurants, art, music, furnishings, wine, coffee, etc. Of course the comedy comes when the grandiose plans they concoct go horribly awry. 

Our grandiose self has big plans where everything must be perfect, epic, legendary and perhaps a bit magical. The imagined plans are so seductive and can be motivating, but more often they are paralyzing. This can lead to what the author calls, a sophisticated form of procrastination.

If we buy into the idea that we have to be perfect in order to live up to our grandiose self’s exacting standards, we might just be thrown into paralysis. We might say to ourselves; “I don’t have the right equipment to do this thing perfectly, so I should just wait until I can afford to get it.” Or perhaps, “I will never be able to do it as well as x, so I shouldn’t even try.”

This has been a light bulb moment for me. First, I didn’t realize that I had a grandiose self in there! I knew about my bratty teenage self, my demanding 3 year old, my inner 13 year old boy (sense of humor) and my cry baby self. I just didn’t realize that my struggle with perfectionism is actually linked to my grandiose self.

Uri goes on to explain that we need to release our grandiose self and instead connect to our “known self.” This is the self that is simple and present in the moment. The self that sees with clear eyes and accepts things as they are.

While reading this, my grandiose self, who’s voice I now recognize, piped up and said; “I have great ideas, big ideas, the best ideas! You can’t just get rid of me!” (Apparently, my grandiose self is a mix of Niles crane and our president.) Anyway,  I was feeling rather skeptical about releasing my grandiose self because of its “huge” ideas.

Uri goes on to reassure me by saying that “Letting go of idealization doesn’t mean giving up on ambition or growth. Instead, it means recognizing that growth starts with acceptance.” My pessimistic self, oddly with the voice of Jim Gaffigan, pipes up and says; “That sounds hard.”

So far, I have learned that:

1. I have a grandiose self

2. My grandiose self has big ideas and exacting standards

3. Living up to those exacting standards can cause perfectionism, procrastination and paralysis in my creative practice

4. My pessimistic self is Jim Gaffigan

Uri, luckily has some ideas to release your grandiose self and get in better touch with your “known self.” The first part is accepting that we are made up of shadows and light. There is good and bad in all of us. We are not perfect.  Accepting that we are not perfect is what makes us unique and interesting. You would never want to read a book or watch a movie that didn’t have any conflict. That would be boring as hell! As a painter the most interesting pieces have tension and contrast in tone and color. Why should we think that the same isn’t true for us? Perfection is an illusion that is impossible to maintain. Reality is, we will have a bad day, make a piece that we hate, fail at stuff, get lipstick on our teeth and fart in public. It’s just going to happen. There will be good and bad, shadows and light.

One way that Uri recommends connecting to your known self is by seeking what is near and accessible. Basically, start small. It’s accepting starting at the beginning. If it was my first time baking, I might start with chocolate chip cookies because they are easy and have good results. I certainly wouldn’t want to start with a wedding cake with many layers and fondant. That would be ridiculous. And yet, our grandiose self may just be telling us that if we are not prepared to win the Great American Bakeoff, then we might as well not try at all.

Starting small, with what we have in our toolbox, makes sense. When I was reading this, I started thinking about Howard Finster. He was a famous folk artist out of Macon, GA. He never studied art. One day he just started making it. He painted rocks and bottles and fences and ceiling fan blades. He used whatever he could get his hands on, junk by most people’s standards, and just started doing art. He epitomizes the idea of starting small and using what is accessible. 

The other reason that I love Howard Finster’s story; he started with what was accessible, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t working toward a big, ambitious, grandiose goal! He created Paradise Garden, a magical world of over 10,000 paintings. His work has been exhibited around the world, has been featured in Esquire magazine and even do cover art for the Talking Heads! Grandiose indeed!

The point is, if he was paralyzed by perfection, he never would have started! He would have been paralyzed by not having the right training or equipment. If he sought out external validation when he was just starting, people would have said he was nuts!

Uri recommends we stop seeking external validation. This is great advice for all parts of our life, not just the art part. For me, this is an ongoing process. I still find myself seeking external validation at times, just not as much as when I was younger. I can also recognize it when I am craving it. It can be comforting and motivating. I am a gold star kind of person. Unfortunately, it is unpredictable, temporary, or non-existent.

Instead, Uri suggests that we cultivate our inner voice of support. Much easier said than done! Affirmations are a good way to start cultivating that encouraging inner voice. Here is the affirmation from the book:

”I support the creator within me. I believe in what I do. I love the process, not just the outcome.”

My current affirmation is:

”I cannot fail if I just keep trying.”

I know, not as nice as the one from the book. That’s okay because it works for me. Did I mention the Debbie Downer part of my personality? How about the Protestant farmer part that has a very strong work ethic? Anyway, those two persistent and stubborn parts of my personality will allow my current affirmation. Anything too woo-woo and they throw a fit!

In the end, what I’m learning is that creativity doesn’t need to be grand or flawless to be meaningful. The grandiose self might whisper that only big, perfect, world-changing projects matter—but the truth is, growth begins in the small, messy, and accessible steps we take today. When we accept both our shadows and light, when we create with what’s within reach instead of waiting for perfection, we free ourselves to actually begin. That’s where the magic lives: not in chasing an impossible ideal, but in showing up for the process, one imperfect brushstroke, word, or idea at a time.